Jokes to Offend Everyone

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one." To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat.....

"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I out rank you. Tray-up, Bitch

Robin William's plan for world peace

Robin Williams' plan...

(Hard to argue with this logic!)

'I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan.'

1) 'The US will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good ole boys', we will never 'interfere' again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East , and the Philippines They don't want us there, anyway. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them .

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers

5) No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a 'D' and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort
to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while .

7) Offer Saudi A rabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not 'interfere.' They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given
to the army. The people who need
it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10 ) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it..or LEAVE...

Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

'The Statue of Liberty is no longer
saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling,

'you want a piece of me?' '

From Mike Tyson

"I might just fade to Bolivian"

"[He] called me a 'rapist' and a 'recluse'. I'm not a recluse."

"I am many things. I am an animal. I am a convicted rapist, a hell-raiser, a loving father, and a semi-good husband. You don't really know me."

"I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."

"If I take this camera and put it in your face for 20 years, I don't know what you might be. You might be a homosexual if I put that camera on you since you were 13 years old. I've been on that camera since I was 13 years old."

"Lennox Lewis, I'm coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"

"I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him [ Lennox Lewis]. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children."

"I paid a worker at New York's zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big silverback gorillathere just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that silverback's snotbox! He declined."

"My power is discombobulating devastating I could feel his muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."

"I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain."

[To a female reporter] "It's no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore... Unless you want to, you know."

"The one thing I know, everyone respects the true person and everyone's not true with themselves. All of these people who are heroes, these guys who have been lily white and clean all their lives, if they went through what I went through, they would commit suicide. They don't have the heart that I have. I've lived places they can't defecate in."

"I'm not Mother Teresa. But I'm also not Charles Manson!"

"Fear is your best friend or your worst enemy. It's like fire. If you can control it, it can cook for you; it can heat your house. If you can't control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you. If you can control your fear, it makes you more alert, like a deer coming across the lawn."
"I'm just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too. I think it's un-American not to go out with a woman, not to be with a beautiful woman, not to get my dick sucked ... It's just what I said before, everybody in this country is a big f**king liar. [The media] tells people ... that this person did this and this person did that and then we find out that were just human and we find out that Michael Jordan cheats on his wife just like everybody else and that we all cheat on our f**king wife in one way or another either emotionally, physically or sexually or one way."

"There's no one perfect. We're always gonna do that. Jimmy Swaggart is lascivious, Mike Tyson is lascivious -- but we're not criminally, at least I'm not, criminally lascivious. You know what I mean. I may like to fornicate more than other people -- it's just who I am. I sacrifice so much of my life, can I at least get laid? I mean, I been robbed of my most of my money, can I at least get [oral sex] without the people wanting to harass me and wanting to throw me in jail?"

"At times, I come across as crude or crass, that irritates you when I come across like a Neanderthal or a babbling idiot at times. But I like to be that person. I like to show you all that person because that's who you come to see."

"I'm the most irresponsible person in the world. The reason I'm like that is because, at 21, you all gave me $50 or $100 million, and I didn't know what to do. I'm from the ghetto. I don't know how to act. One day I'm in a dope house robbing somebody. The next thing I know, 'You're the heavyweight champion of the world.' ... Who am I? What am I? I don't even know who I am. I'm just a dumb child. I'm being abused. I'm being robbed by lawyers. I think I have more money than I do. I'm just a dumb pugnacious fool. I'm just a fool who thinks I'm someone. And you tell me I should be responsible?"

I have no idea why no one has done a reality show on Mike yet. That would be the highest rated show ever.

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and y elling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. In the 'New army' now, 'Get down and give me ... er .. One.'

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them. Also, we won't get in trouble for mistreating prisoners.
We won't take any.

If nothing else, put us on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!

Best Sports Play Ever

Lawyer Milloy has been a NFL safety for over a decade, once a Pro Bowl player, but now a solid veteran. He has been a Super Bowl Champion with the New England Patriots, and a starter for the Buffalo Bills and Atlanta Falcons. While Milloy won’t be headed to Canton, he has been a hard hitting player throughout his career. Despite being one of my favorite Patriots, my favorite memory of him had nothing to do with the Patriots. The best play Milloy ever made occurred at the University of Washington, but not on the gridiron. Milloy was drafted as a pitcher by the Detroit Tigers, but I first saw his talent when he was patrolling center field.

Growing up in Massachusetts Pac-10 sports were rarely ever on television unless it was a Bowl game or NCAA March Madness. One spring day I turned on Sports Channel (now defunct and a precursor to Fox Sports) and found the weekly Pac-10 baseball game of the week. Why would a Massachusetts channel show a weekly college baseball game from teams thousands of miles away? In this one case it might have been destiny. I turned in for a few minutes to see what may be the best defensive play I have ever seen. “The Catch” by Willie Mays was great, this play was better. Lawyer Milloy was playing a center field that was so shallow that the worst hitter on a little league team could have hit it over his head. On the first play there was a hard hit flare to deep right center field, an extra base hit for sure. Milloy came out of nowhere to make a diving, over-the-head catch, while taking a face plant on the warning track.

At the time Kenny Lofton was the fastest center fielder I have ever seen and played too shallow for his own good but Milloy put Lofton to shame. He looked like a short fielder in softball catching a Hail Mary pass. As Milloy was a pitching prospect he might have just been out of position, but his speed more than made up for poor positioning. Milloy didn’t get up as he was injured in the process, hurting his shoulder and collarbone. It was during the multiple replays that they mentioned that Milloy was a star safety on the Huskies football team. I never got to see Milloy play again (either baseball or football) in college but I was ecstatic when he was drafted by the Patriots. I still wear my number 36 “Milloy” Patriots jersey with pride for the man that made the best play I have ever seen in any sport.

Best Quote Ever

The best quote ever from a movie. Matt Damon in therapy from Good Will Hunting

Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with, get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Oh, send in the Marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And, of course, the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin', 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat, the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while I'm at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.

God and Quarterbacks

Three Quarterbacks reach the Pearly Gates after a plane crash on the way to the Pro Bowl...

God asks Peyton Manning first: "What do you believe?" Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans." God can't help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Drew Brees and says, "What do you believe?" Drew says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields." God is greatly moved by Drew's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Tom Brady: "And you, Tom, what do you believe?"
Tom replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

You Can Lead a Horse To Water

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink

[MY QUOTE]

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink…but you can drowned it trying

Good Will Hunting Quotes

And why does he hang out with those retarded gorillas, as you called them? Because any one of them, if he asked them to, would take a fucking bat to your head, okay? It's called loyalty.

The Best Advice You can get

I hate getting advice because if it doesn't work out then you are the one left in trouble, however this is great advice.

ALF Quote

When you crawl under people’s houses you hear things
--Alf

Whenever I have info that I don't want to disclose how I obtained it, this is my answer

MERCY

"Well when you were in Iraq I came here (a strip club) a few times and I ran into your father. We swore each other to secrecy about it."

"What is this, the first rule of perv club is don't talk about perv club"?

I hate each season when a few dozen new television shows debut and I always seem to miss out on the good ones. This year I think I hit gold with NBC's Wednesday night hit Mercy. It combines the humor and nurse over doctor focus of Scrubs with the medical intensity of ER. When you take a nurse coming home from Iraq to her husband that cheated on her, only to find out the doctor she cheated with just joined her hospital, and you have a plot. Throw in a dysfunctional drunken Irish family, a doctor with the world's worst bedside manner, and a nurse that is more innocent than an Amish nun and you have a lot to work with. Mercy deserves to make it, so watch it. You won't be disappointed.

Brain Enema 11-10-09

The Yankees won their 27^th World Series but next year’s team will be missing Johnny Damon, Hideki Matsui, Andy Pettite, and who knows who else. They will still be good because they can outspend anyone, but their lack of a farm system will continue to be a huge issue for them. You can buy players all day long but if you can’t develop a farm system then you won’t be able to get the players you need during the year to replace the old and feeble free agents signed in the offseason.

The Colts may have one of the best records in the NFL but they are not a Super Bowl team. Their defensive backfield has been decimated by injuries (Bob Sanders is not a top safety in the NFL, healthy or not) and the offense is not as dangerous as they once were. The Colts will be in the playoffs but they lack the bodies and talent to get a ring.

Can the WWE please put the Undertaker in one final casket match and haul him away? He has had one of the best runs in wrestling history, but four months at a time of obviously injured Taker doesn’t help his legacy or the company in general. He needs a reduced role where he grooms a replacement, and he needs to stop holding titles, unless they are tag team belts.

Good news Minnesota Twins fans, Michael Cuddyer had his option picked up for the 2010 season and JJ Hardy was acquired from the Brewers. Not only do the Twins keep the best power hitter they have and add a solid offensive shortstop, they show Joe Mauer that they are willing to spend money to have a competitive team.

Memo to the NHL: If a player has swine flu he sits. Grow a spine before the entire league has teams full of players that are on the shelf.

Rajon Rondo resigning with the Boston Celtics is bad news for the rest of the NBA. Rondo would have been the best point guard available as a free agent in years had he not signed an extension. Rondo needs to improve on his shooting, but the same things were said about Jason Kidd, and Rondo has the potential to be better than Kidd.

Ty Law is back in the NFL, signing with the Broncos. Apparently Denver had a need for a reserve cornerback that could generate frequent pass interference penalties and give up huge chunks of yardage. I wonder if Law can feed his family on his prorated salary for the year.

Brad Mills will be an amazing manager for the Astros. The cupboard is almost bare in Houston but Mills has the skills to get the most out of whatever talent he is given. I worry about the Red Sox success without him as the bench coach.

Andre Reed the Buffalo Bills Future Hall of Fame Wide Receiver once said “You are going to get hit either way so you might as well hold onto the ball”. Wes Welker of the Patriots must have taken that to heart, as you can drive him through a brick wall and he will still hold onto the ball. He might be the best possession receiver of his era.

Phil Kessel signed a huge offer sheet with the Maple Leafs, costing the team their first three draft picks next year. Kessel just returned from rotator cuff surgery and recorded ten shots in his first game, and another seven shots that were blocked. He could be just the spark the team needs, however the Leafs are so bad that no matter how well Kessel performs the Leafs will still be at the bottom of the NHL.

I started to watch V and I can’t help but find myself waiting for Fox Mulder to pop up and try to help humanity and then be viciously killed. The show seems like a long X-Files episode, which isn’t a bad thing, but I doubt I will keep watching.

Hulk Hogan joining TNA will end up working, but not in the way most people are expecting. The fans that have left wrestling will return to relive the glory days, but will find a show that actually has talented wrestlers even if they are not the household names of the past. They will be amazed at the action and watch. Most of the current fans will stay in hopes that the company doesn’t get screwed up and will continue to push the people that actually can wrestle, not just the has-been friends of Hogan. TNA will have a rocky transition as some wrestlers will be without a role and will end up lost in the shuffle. Once the newness of Hogan wears off is when the company will see if their investment has paid off. If Hogan becomes an on air talent or tries to wrestle than all will be lost as Hogan couldn’t wrestle thirty years ago, let alone today. If he stays out of the way the company should thrive. If he is put in charge of running the show than all bets are off as to what may happen.

Blake Griffin will suffer from the Clippers curse and become another Danny Manning. I hope it doesn’t happen but that franchise cripples talent worse than a polio outbreak.

If the NFL wants to put a franchise in London (or anywhere in Europe) they will have to face a huge obstacle with not only the huge popularity of soccer (played at the same time of year) but also with the economic issues (value of the dollar versus the Pound or Euro). It is a good idea in theory but not in reality.

Tim Wakefield is close to resigning a two-year contract extension with the Red Sox. Wakefield may not have any fingers left to throw a knuckleball by the time he finally retires.

Naked = Ratings

The Simpsons first aired when I was in elementary school, and I now have a daughter that will be in kindergarten next year. Needless to say, the show has some staying power. Over the years the Simpsons has gone from the “bad influence” show to practically being family friendly compared to South Park , Family Guy, and Adult Swim. That is why the recent announcement of Marge Simpson posing in Playboy makes sense, but is still so bizarre. They are many pros and cons to this idea, and while I have no intention of purchasing the magazine, the idea may have merit. I am so confused about it I am not even sure what my opinion is, so make it up for yourself based on the info.

· Marge Simpson isn’t even human. She is a cartoon with one less finger than other humans, she has blue hair, and she looks like she has the worse case of jaundice ever recorded.

· She isn’t even the most attractive cartoon mom on Fox, Lois on Family Guy is much hotter

· Does anyone ever buy Playboy anymore? With all the access to free porn online who needs a magazine?

· Do cartoons turn you on? Actually don’t answer that

· The Simpsons get a ton of publicity, and publicity = ratings

· Fox has no morals so don’t condemn them for exploiting a drawing (the exploit my brain cells by keeping Fox “News” on the air)

· Will people actually buy more magazines or generate more site hits to make the venture worthwhile?

· Will people be turned off by the idea and boycott the show?

· Do people even care about either Fox’s show or Heff’s empire?

This has been bouncing around in my head for weeks, so please let me know what you think, I need to get a resolution.

Denis Leary Therapy

"Im just not happy... I'm just not happy, I'm just not happy because my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would. Hey join the fucking club ok. I though I was going to be the starting center fielder for the Boston Red Socks, life sucks get a fucking helmet alright? I'm not happy, I'm not happy, nobody's happy ok, happiness comes in small doses folks, it's a cigarette or a chocolate chip cookie or a 5 second orgasm- thats it ok? You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to fucking work ok. That is it, end of fucking list. I'm just not happy- shut the fuck up, alright. Thats the name of my new book- shut the fuck up by Dr. Dennis Leary. A revolutionary new form of therapy. I'm gonna have my patients come in, Doctor I- SHUT THE FUCK UP, NEXT!.....I dont feel so- SHUT THE FUCK UP, NEXT!! He made me feel so much better about myself you know, he just told me to shut the fuck up and, nobody had ever told me that before, I feel so much better now."
-Dennis Leary

Gin Rummy Quote

Boondocks is the best cartoon strip and TV cartoon ever, there is no debate. They say what people think, they mock anyone and everyone, they say anything (they did an episode about the N (Nigga is a friend Nigger is an insult), and best of all, Samuel L Jackson plays a white militant Iraq vet named Gin Rummy. Rummy's best lines are taken from Donald Rumsfield quotes "absence of evidence" and "unknown unknows" and made into huge satire. Here is the best...

Gin Rummy: I always say the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: Simply because you don't have evidence that something does exist does not mean you have evidence of something that doesn't exist.
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: What country are you from?
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: 'What' ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in 'What'?
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?
Riley: Yeah.
Gin Rummy: So you understand the words I'm saying to you!
Riley: Yeah.
Gin Rummy: Well, what I'm saying is that there are known knowns and that there are known unknowns. But there are also unknown unknowns; things we don't know that we don't know.
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: Say what again! Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you, motherfucker! Say what one more time!

Wrestling Gets Interesting Again

Nigel McGuiness (aka Desmond Wolfe) may have made the biggest decision in wrestling since WCW and ECW went out of business almost a decade ago. During the high point of wrestling in the mid to late 90’s (the Monday Night Wars era) it was common to see wrestlers move from the WWE(F) to ECW to WCW and surprise the world. The time of instant Internet news was still years away, and most people only knew about what they saw on television. If a wrestler’s contract was running out, or if someone was let go, you didn’t know until you either stopped seeing them, or until they showed up in another company. There was no common knowledge of who was unhappy, who wanted to go to another company, or if an injury was legit or part of an angle. Once WCW and ECW folded and the age of instant online news grew there was nothing even the casual fan didn’t know about.

The WWE has owned the American wrestling world for almost a decade. If you didn’t make it there you either went to Japan, Mexico, small Indy federations, or were out of luck. When TNA and ROH started they were one of dozens of startup companies, but unlike most, they have lasted and become successful. TNA was the place where young talent got their chance and bigger names went to have a job and an easier schedule. As time passed TNA has become the place where wrestlers who wanted out of the WWE went. They have developed their own great talents, but the big names are mostly WCW, ECW, or WWE cast-offs. Ring of Honor was another company like TNA, but instead of storylines, it was a company were hungry wrestlers went to showcase their talent. The focus wasn’t on ratings it was putting on the best pure show possible. As a result most of the best talent has left ROH for more money in TNA or WWE. Recently the WWE signed Bryan Danielson (the best pure wrestler in the world in any company) and Nigel McGuiness (a tough bad guy talent and a mouth to back it up) perhaps the best two talents on the Indy circuit. The duo finished out their remaining schedule and had a final head to head match in ROH before reporting to the WWE.

TNA had their normal television taping last Monday and a newcomer attacked the biggest name in the company, Kurt Angle. The new wrestler was Desmond Wolfe, the man formerly known as Nigel McGuiness but without trademark blonde spiked hair. As soon as news of McGuiness’s appearance the Internet went crazy as to what happened with his WWE deal. Their official stance was that he had failed a medical test due to past injuries, but McGuiness and other sources confirmed that he had a WWE contract offer in hand, had met with the company, but never signed a contract. The ironic thing is that the Desmond Wolfe name came from WWE Chairman Vince McMahon but since it was never trademarked it was able to be used. Not only did the WWE lose out on a potential breakout star, but he went and signed with the closest thing to their competition, TNA. TNA had pulled off a free agent coup that hasn’t been since the Monday Night Wars days a decade earlier. For the good of the business perhaps this will be the catalyst that helps bring the WWE the true competition they need so that the industry can thrive once again.

Favorite Quotes

I love the Simpsons and I can relate to this exchange all too well many days...

Bart : We are going to die!

Lisa : We are all going to die sometime.

Bart : I meant soon!

Lisa : So did I.

When Cars Go Too Fast

Police in Italy are showing off their special police car: a
Lamborghini, which they're driving to Amsterdam for a demonstration for
Dutch emergency services. The car is the third of its kind donated by
the manufacturer, and is capable of pursuits at speeds of up to 325 kph
(202 mph). An onboard camera system can record images of speeders, and
a GPS-enabled computer system records speeds second by second. And
there's one other special feature: a "cold box" specifically designed
for human organs. (AP)

When you have a car that can go so fast that they need include a place for your organs

to go than you are asking for trouble

THIS is TRUE: 11 October Copyright http://www.thisistrue.com

The best thing you can do is a get a free or premium subscription to the weekly This Is True. The stories are amazing and it will astonish you every week. I can't wait to read my copy each week

DVD Review - X-Men Origins

With three kids and a job with odd hours, going to the movies isn’t a common occurrence. At times even watching a full DVD takes time (I got Hellboy II for Christmas and finished watching it in August). That being said it is time to review the latest movie I watchedX-Men Origins. DISCLAIMER – I never read comic books so if the movie and the original comic didn’t mesh I don’t really care. I am just covering the movie itself.

Critics seemed to despise the latest X-Men movie, but I didn’t know of a single person that saw the movie and didn’t like it. I was a bit skeptical about the movie, but I knew the action sequences would deliver. I wasn’t disappointed as the action was better than expected and the rest of the movie was nicely done. We got to follow Wolverine through his century and a half life and found out how and why he became the character he is. The story made sense and was nicely done, even setting up the beginning of the X-Men from the previous three movies. The only thing that was missing is more involvement from Gambit, and a wish he had been in the previous movies. As prequels go this was nicely done and didn’t require much time to get the viewer up to speed. I would defiantly recommend this movie, especially if you are one of the 47 people on Earth that haven’t seen any of the other X-Men movies.

Brain Enema Version 1

When you have a little bit to say about a lot of things I just get a Brain Enema

So Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize and I don’t have an issue with that. The rules are that the nominations have to be in by February (he had been in office for less than 2 weeks) and his promises of dealing with the other countries in the world were a drastic and more peaceful plan. Obama didn’t so much as win as Bush’s administration caused the world to hate us so much that anyone that was elected would have won the award.

Fred Taylor is hurt again, but should you really be surprised. He has his first fully healthy year ever and then is right back to his normal injury pattern. He has been killing my fantasy teams for a decade and he must be stopped. If he had stayed healthy he might have been one of the top five running backs in NFL history.

When an opponent travels to Virginia Tech they are leaving with a loss, it doesn’t matter who it is, VT doesn’t lose at home. There is no team that is coached as well in special team at any level, and no matter how good or bad VT is you always have to be afraid to play against them.

As much as I hated to see the Angles beat the Red Sox it was time. The Sox had owned the Angels in the playoffs and they were due. Throw a dog a bone every once in a while. The Sox were good but they weren’t a playoff team this year. While there might not have been a better team to be in the playoffs, the 2009 Red Sox were not a strong playoff team.

With the complaints about the NBA refs from last year is the league really prepared to go the entire year with replacement refs? I understand the reasoning but to lose the good refs you have is going to be horrible for the NBA.

The NHL is back! Just wanted to let you know, most people never get to see the games so you might have forgotten about hockey season.

It is nice to be undefeated in fantasy football, realize you need a running back to replace Fred Taylor and a quarterback because Aaron Rodgers and Phillip Rivers have bye weeks. Who did I pick up? Brett Favre and Michael Turner. I did okay.

Instead of a three division winners and a wild card winner in baseball’s playoffs can’t we just balance the schedule and take the four teams with the best records. Why not take the best of the best regardless of where they are located? Oh yeah TV ratings and merchandising. Never mind

Chuck Liddell is one hell of an impressive fighter in MMA but his best days are behind him. After watching Dancing With The Stars (my wife Tivoed in and I watched only Liddell) it is obvious that athletic ability doesn’t translate to being graceful. Liddell was painful to watch.

The AFC 50^th anniversary is a nice retro glimpse at the past, but the ref uniforms? They look like the mugged a barbershop quartet on the way to the game and stole their clothes. Let the teams use retro uniforms but keeps the refs with the normal zebra look.

The WWE is a rich corporate giant and the place where wrestlers go to become famous. That being said, Ring of Honor, Dragon Gate USA, and TNA all are more entertaining and have more wrestlers that can actually perform in the ring. While they might be the most charismatic people in the business, Nigel McGuinness and Brian Danielson are two of the best wrestlers alive today. Expect that the WWE will not let them show their talents and end up missing out on a huge opportunity. They did the same thing by passing or releasing Paul London, Christopher Daniels, Frankie Kazarian, Brian Kendrick, AJ Styles, Colt Cabana, Matt Morgan, Johnny Jeter, Daivairi, Brent Albright, etc, etc, etc.

People love to complain about customer service but most people would never want to do the job themselves. The next time you get a positive customer service experience take the time to thank them, compliment them, tell their manager, or something. Without customer service your life would be more difficult than you could ever imagine.

When it comes to home field advantage I will take any team in Colorado playing outside. Not only do you have the high altitude but snow and below freezing temperatures. Trying playing baseball or football when you can’t grip the ball because you can’t feel your fingers. That is an advantage.

Rush Limbaugh wants to head a group to buy the St. Louis Rams, and no good can come from this. Limbaugh proved he is a loudmouth that cares more about his image than running a pro sports franchise. His choices would be second-guessed based on his ESPN comments about black athletes a few years ago. The Rams can’t get much worse but they can do much better than Limbaugh.

UFC might not like it but MMA and wrestling do go hand in hand. Many of the skills are similar and there are countless moves that work in both genres. While the potential for injury in a wrestling match can be high, making a living as a developing wrestler and MMA fighter both pay little and require an immense amount of work and time. Ease up UFC and let your stars make a living.

Take back what I said about retro NFL uniforms. The Broncos look like they are wearing the rejected uniforms from Alabama and the Steelers. Not a good look even 50 years ago. They look too much like something you would see at a high school football game.

Sidney Crosby is good but overrated. Not only is Alexander Ovechkin a better all around player now that he is playing some defense and checking. Crosby isn’t even the best center on his own team, I would take Evgeni Malkin any day. Crosby is too soft and tries to do too much.

Anyone who knows me is aware of my man love for one specific football player. After getting released by the 49ers he is now leading the Patriots in sacks…Tully Banta-Cain