Saturday, November 21, 2009

God and Quarterbacks


Three Quarterbacks reach the Pearly Gates after a plane crash on the way to the Pro Bowl...

God asks Peyton Manning first: "What do you believe?" Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans." God can't help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Drew Brees and says, "What do you believe?" Drew says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields." God is greatly moved by Drew's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Tom Brady: "And you, Tom, what do you believe?"
Tom replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

Friday, November 20, 2009

You Can Lead a Horse To Water


You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink

[MY QUOTE]

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink…but you can drowned it trying

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Good Will Hunting Quotes


And why does he hang out with those retarded gorillas, as you called them? Because any one of them, if he asked them to, would take a fucking bat to your head, okay? It's called loyalty.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Best Advice You can get


I hate getting advice because if it doesn't work out then you are the one left in trouble, however this is great advice.

ALF Quote


When you crawl under people’s houses you hear things
--Alf

Whenever I have info that I don't want to disclose how I obtained it, this is my answer

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

MERCY


"Well when you were in Iraq I came here (a strip club) a few times and I ran into your father. We swore each other to secrecy about it."
"What is this, the first rule of perv club is don't talk about perv club"?


I hate each season when a few dozen new television shows debut and I always seem to miss out on the good ones. This year I think I hit gold with NBC's Wednesday night hit Mercy. It combines the humor and nurse over doctor focus of Scrubs with the medical intensity of ER. When you take a nurse coming home from Iraq to her husband that cheated on her, only to find out the doctor she cheated with just joined her hospital, and you have a plot. Throw in a dysfunctional drunken Irish family, a doctor with the world's worst bedside manner, and a nurse that is more innocent than an Amish nun and you have a lot to work with. Mercy deserves to make it, so watch it. You won't be disappointed.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Brain Enema 11-10-09


The Yankees won their 27th World Series but next year’s team will be missing Johnny Damon, Hideki Matsui, Andy Pettite, and who knows who else. They will still be good because they can outspend anyone, but their lack of a farm system will continue to be a huge issue for them. You can buy players all day long but if you can’t develop a farm system then you won’t be able to get the players you need during the year to replace the old and feeble free agents signed in the offseason.

The Colts may have one of the best records in the NFL but they are not a Super Bowl team. Their defensive backfield has been decimated by injuries (Bob Sanders is not a top safety in the NFL, healthy or not) and the offense is not as dangerous as they once were. The Colts will be in the playoffs but they lack the bodies and talent to get a ring.

Can the WWE please put the Undertaker in one final casket match and haul him away? He has had one of the best runs in wrestling history, but four months at a time of obviously injured Taker doesn’t help his legacy or the company in general. He needs a reduced role where he grooms a replacement, and he needs to stop holding titles, unless they are tag team belts.

Good news Minnesota Twins fans, Michael Cuddyer had his option picked up for the 2010 season and JJ Hardy was acquired from the Brewers. Not only do the Twins keep the best power hitter they have and add a solid offensive shortstop, they show Joe Mauer that they are willing to spend money to have a competitive team.

Memo to the NHL: If a player has swine flu he sits. Grow a spine before the entire league has teams full of players that are on the shelf.

Rajon Rondo resigning with the Boston Celtics is bad news for the rest of the NBA. Rondo would have been the best point guard available as a free agent in years had he not signed an extension. Rondo needs to improve on his shooting, but the same things were said about Jason Kidd, and Rondo has the potential to be better than Kidd.

Ty Law is back in the NFL, signing with the Broncos. Apparently Denver had a need for a reserve cornerback that could generate frequent pass interference penalties and give up huge chunks of yardage. I wonder if Law can feed his family on his prorated salary for the year.

Brad Mills will be an amazing manager for the Astros. The cupboard is almost bare in Houston but Mills has the skills to get the most out of whatever talent he is given. I worry about the Red Sox success without him as the bench coach.

Andre Reed the Buffalo Bills Future Hall of Fame Wide Receiver once said “You are going to get hit either way so you might as well hold onto the ball”. Wes Welker of the Patriots must have taken that to heart, as you can drive him through a brick wall and he will still hold onto the ball. He might be the best possession receiver of his era.

Phil Kessel signed a huge offer sheet with the Maple Leafs, costing the team their first three draft picks next year. Kessel just returned from rotator cuff surgery and recorded ten shots in his first game, and another seven shots that were blocked. He could be just the spark the team needs, however the Leafs are so bad that no matter how well Kessel performs the Leafs will still be at the bottom of the NHL.

I started to watch V and I can’t help but find myself waiting for Fox Mulder to pop up and try to help humanity and then be viciously killed. The show seems like a long X-Files episode, which isn’t a bad thing, but I doubt I will keep watching.

Hulk Hogan joining TNA will end up working, but not in the way most people are expecting. The fans that have left wrestling will return to relive the glory days, but will find a show that actually has talented wrestlers even if they are not the household names of the past. They will be amazed at the action and watch. Most of the current fans will stay in hopes that the company doesn’t get screwed up and will continue to push the people that actually can wrestle, not just the has-been friends of Hogan. TNA will have a rocky transition as some wrestlers will be without a role and will end up lost in the shuffle. Once the newness of Hogan wears off is when the company will see if their investment has paid off. If Hogan becomes an on air talent or tries to wrestle than all will be lost as Hogan couldn’t wrestle thirty years ago, let alone today. If he stays out of the way the company should thrive. If he is put in charge of running the show than all bets are off as to what may happen.

Blake Griffin will suffer from the Clippers curse and become another Danny Manning. I hope it doesn’t happen but that franchise cripples talent worse than a polio outbreak.

If the NFL wants to put a franchise in London (or anywhere in Europe) they will have to face a huge obstacle with not only the huge popularity of soccer (played at the same time of year) but also with the economic issues (value of the dollar versus the Pound or Euro). It is a good idea in theory but not in reality.

Tim Wakefield is close to resigning a two-year contract extension with the Red Sox. Wakefield may not have any fingers left to throw a knuckleball by the time he finally retires.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Naked = Ratings


The Simpsons first aired when I was in elementary school, and I now have a daughter that will be in kindergarten next year. Needless to say, the show has some staying power. Over the years the Simpsons has gone from the “bad influence” show to practically being family friendly compared to South Park , Family Guy, and Adult Swim. That is why the recent announcement of Marge Simpson posing in Playboy makes sense, but is still so bizarre. They are many pros and cons to this idea, and while I have no intention of purchasing the magazine, the idea may have merit. I am so confused about it I am not even sure what my opinion is, so make it up for yourself based on the info.

· Marge Simpson isn’t even human. She is a cartoon with one less finger than other humans, she has blue hair, and she looks like she has the worse case of jaundice ever recorded.

· She isn’t even the most attractive cartoon mom on Fox, Lois on Family Guy is much hotter

· Does anyone ever buy Playboy anymore? With all the access to free porn online who needs a magazine?

· Do cartoons turn you on? Actually don’t answer that

· The Simpsons get a ton of publicity, and publicity = ratings

· Fox has no morals so don’t condemn them for exploiting a drawing (the exploit my brain cells by keeping Fox “News” on the air)

· Will people actually buy more magazines or generate more site hits to make the venture worthwhile?

· Will people be turned off by the idea and boycott the show?

· Do people even care about either Fox’s show or Heff’s empire?

This has been bouncing around in my head for weeks, so please let me know what you think, I need to get a resolution.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Denis Leary Therapy


"Im just not happy... I'm just not happy, I'm just not happy because my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would. Hey join the fucking club ok. I though I was going to be the starting center fielder for the Boston Red Socks, life sucks get a fucking helmet alright? I'm not happy, I'm not happy, nobody's happy ok, happiness comes in small doses folks, it's a cigarette or a chocolate chip cookie or a 5 second orgasm- thats it ok? You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to fucking work ok. That is it, end of fucking list. I'm just not happy- shut the fuck up, alright. Thats the name of my new book- shut the fuck up by Dr. Dennis Leary. A revolutionary new form of therapy. I'm gonna have my patients come in, Doctor I- SHUT THE FUCK UP, NEXT!.....I dont feel so- SHUT THE FUCK UP, NEXT!! He made me feel so much better about myself you know, he just told me to shut the fuck up and, nobody had ever told me that before, I feel so much better now."
-Dennis Leary

Monday, November 2, 2009

Gin Rummy Quote


Boondocks is the best cartoon strip and TV cartoon ever, there is no debate. They say what people think, they mock anyone and everyone, they say anything (they did an episode about the N (Nigga is a friend Nigger is an insult), and best of all, Samuel L Jackson plays a white militant Iraq vet named Gin Rummy. Rummy's best lines are taken from Donald Rumsfield quotes "absence of evidence" and "unknown unknows" and made into huge satire. Here is the best...

Gin Rummy: I always say the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: Simply because you don't have evidence that something does exist does not mean you have evidence of something that doesn't exist.
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: What country are you from?
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: 'What' ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in 'What'?
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?
Riley: Yeah.
Gin Rummy: So you understand the words I'm saying to you!
Riley: Yeah.
Gin Rummy: Well, what I'm saying is that there are known knowns and that there are known unknowns. But there are also unknown unknowns; things we don't know that we don't know.
Riley: What?
Gin Rummy: Say what again! Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you, motherfucker! Say what one more time!